Keeping on track

I’ve been fortunate enough to meet two lovely ladies here.

Now I know most people following my blog religiously would understand that this is far off the concept of my journey. Which I completely agree with. The strange thing is this though. In the past few weeks my natural “attraction” has been working over time. For whatever reason. I spoke to EAC about it on fb. It started with small things, literally small things. My very good friend BB invited me for dinner…or maybe I invited myself?? Anyway, I had met his daughter before (she’s 3) she was very polite but seemed very shy. We got to spend a little more time getting to know each other while I was over for dinner. Not long after dinner I sat down to talk with my friend and his wife. His lovely daughter came over and I could tell she wanted to sit on my lap. She jumped on and with in a few seconds she gave me a HUGE hug. It made my heart swell. She even gave me a kiss…or a lick…kinda like a cat! It made me miss my daughters so, so much. BB said later that she obviously feels comfortable with you. I agreed.

A few days before that another good friend had me over for dinner too. AND the same thing happened with his daughter whose a little younger though.

I said to EAC that maybe I need to adjust the settings on my attraction ‘system’! She said, “maybe you should just turn it off!!!”. I love her candid advice. I know she’s just looking after my best interests.

This has continued with two ‘older’ ladies. Now I’m not saying they are ‘down’ with me, but I have enough experience that they are at least ‘interested’ in getting to know me. One wahine I’ll be catching up with at the end of this week as she is having a farewell brunch with some mutual friends of ours. I’ve challenged her to a dance-off! Of course the danger of this is that she may and I stress may take this attention to mean more…to be honest part of me is like “whats the harm?” and the other part is “you know what the harm can be!!”. I know I just have to make sure if she is interested that I don’t lead her on or tease her…maybe i’ve done that too much already?

The other lovely lady happens to be from my home country. She is absolutely lovely. Meet her in a lift at my mates apartment block. She is a perfect example of what I am attracted to; Blonde, blue eyes, cute, cuddly (not fat) and a wonderful smile…this is obviously all surface stuff. I invited her to txt me if she wanted to catch up and ‘bond’ (I know, seem to be overusing the ‘ marks a bit in this blog) And she did. Which was cool. We hangout for a long time. Talking, realizing that we had actually had MANY connections from back home. It was crazy! Definitely no coincidence that we met. I actually said that to her too. We shared our reasons for coming here and our own religious beliefs too. I am honestly very attracted to this young lady.

BUT, I’m still on my journey, which I have explained to her. She didn’t say too much about it though and I said it in a way that I am sure didn’t sound like “PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!” Again leaving everything up to God as per usual. He hasn’t led me wrong so far. It’s been 8 months now since A left me. Still miss her and still love her. Have to keep on track.

(Just checked my Criteria for my journey. Number One: I can have open friendships with females. Nothing more than friendship. And I must be absolutely honest with them about this from the beginning. Looks like I’m okay then!)

Lonely Times…

Don’t worry I’m not sitting in my room covering myself in a blanket of self-pity!

But, as some may know, It gets pretty lonely sometimes. I have plenty of wonderful new friends here and can see them whenever I feel like it. But you know it’s not the same kind of relationship that I’m feeling lonely for.

Waking up next to someone is such a wonderful feeling. Being able to turn over and look into the eyes of someone that loves you, cares for you and wants to be with you is such a great feeling! I miss this like crazy! I think that’s why I have a plethora of pillows in my bed.

It has been almost 7 months since my breakup with A. I have to admit, the last few months have gone rather fast. Those strong emotional feelings are still around, they are just more manageable. Random events set them off too. It’s hard not to think about her. I told BB, a great new friend here that this has got to be the longest time in my life (post High School) that I have been single. As I’ve mentioned before I have openly admitted that I am a serial-monogamist. I guess that’s why I’m feeling the way I am right now.

I spend a lot of my time with married couples here. It is wonderful to see their own relationships and the dynamics that come with being partners and parents. It makes me miss my daughters. I talk to my daughters at least once a week, which is wonderful. Just seeing them and hearing them reminds me of my decision to come here. They deserve to have the best father in the world. I was a good dad, but I need to be better. In my relationship with A, I was not a good role model for my daughters. But I will be. I’d like to think I am 70% of the way there. This makes complete sense to me as apparently “they” say that women are most likely to choose a partner that is just like their father (or mother, depending on your sexuality of guess). So, If I want them to choose someone kind, generous, caring, funny and a wonderful person, I need to sort my life out asap. Which I feel I am doing.

Life dosen’t give us many second chances. So you have to create that second chance. If being lonely is part of that, then so be it. Everyone makes sacrifices to achieve their own goals. Is mine more Nobel than others? Maybe. To be honest, I don’t care what others think. All I know is that I never want to be the person I was again. And I am going to make sure that my beautiful daughters will have at least ONE very, very positive male role model in their life. Regardless of where I am in this world, they will know this.

Lonely Times…Only for a while.