Responsibility not Blame

Posted: November 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

I have learnt that I need to take responsibility for the negative actions of my past. I need to acknowledge that they were wrong and understand that I need to change them if I want to have more positive relationships in my future. This is easy to say when you are still in so much pain. Blaming and pointing fingers at others, like my parents is pointless. They can’t change the past and neither can I. But I can definately work on the present.

I take responsibility for these actions;

1. Being an emotional bully to get my own way

2. Treating others like they were my slave

3. Pushing people away to protect myself from heartache

4. Not being honest with myself and the people I love

These four things seem over simplfied but they encompass most of my negative actions. Im sure id be able to add more in as my blog continues and my mind starts to focus more.

I truly don’t blame A for leaving me. I saw the signs early on but never thought she would have the courage to do it. I am sure she has a list of things to add to my negative behaviours too. It’s difficult in this situation too. It’s hard to practice these new understandings when the person who helped you realise them has left you.

Responsibility is a shared factor in a relationship to. So I am aware that A has to responsibility for her own actions in this situation to. More so what lead to this situation. I can’t list those for her as only she knows what she is responsible for. I do hope someday that we will be able to talk about these issues. But I know that this won’t happen for a while, possibly never.

If I had the chance again people I would’ve sat down with A, tried my best to put our emotions to the side and really talked about all the things we were both going through. I believe this would’ve saved both of us (I’m assuming) from going through so much pain in the past 12 months or so. As I’ve discovered from some of the research I have done, A most likely left me emotionally a long time ago, but it’s only recently she left me physically. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope that people following this blog will communicate better with their spouse or special someone better than I did.

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