“What goes around comes back around”

Posted: November 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

Found a new theme song that is strangely helping in a way. Who knew that JT could inspire me! I’d actually forgotten how cool the music video is too. Scarlett Johansson. Great video. I’m sure it’s obvious what the songs about too. Basic premise; JT meets SJ, she is with someone, he convinces her to hangout with him…they fall in love, she meets his best mate, she hooks up with his best mate, they argue, she drives off angry…don’t wanna spoil the end.

Inspirational? In the sense that if someone you meet is willing to leave someone (regardless of how long they have been together) just like that, the chances are they are going to do it again…to you! In the heat of the moment or the infatuation phase, PEA or Phenethylamine, is released in your system. This is what makes you feel ‘good’. Just being around this new person produces this chemical. It’s part of our genetic make up. We can’t control it. It’s what brings humans together, makes sense, they human race wouldn’t survive if we kept on trying to find Mr or Mrs Right, remember some of us are really picky!

So it makes me imagine (I say imagine as I have no proof) that my ex met this guy, PEA was released (possibly something she hadn’t felt with me for a long time) and BOOM the rest is human nature. The only things fighting against it would just be your Heart and your Head, and if there fighting each other (causing confusion) PEA is gonna take control pretty easily. Don’t you think? It’s like adrenaline or testosterone, very powerful ‘chemicals’.

JT may have even experienced this before? Possibly. Maybe. We all agree that love can be blind. Sometimes it can be stupid. It can definitely be painful. When we first meet that someone special we are only looking at the good things. I’m the first to admit my shallowness when choosing a potential partner. You’re not attracted to their personality, at first, you only see them from the outside. Physical attraction is a powerful thing. This is where things take a slight turn in my situation. Physically, the guy my ex is ‘going’ to is the complete opposite of me. Pakeha (white), Tall, Redheaded Australian…I don’t think you could get more polar opposites? So from my perspective it was more the ’emotional’ connection that she made with him over the few weeks they were working together. He obviously said all the right things and pushed all the right buttons to drive her PEA levels crazy! I guess. I think. I assume.

I have to be honest (cause that’s part of my criteria too) I am really struggling with everything that has happened in the last 5 weeks. A song by JT is just one of the things I have been trying to use to distract me from thinking about her.

I had to go into her dad’s work today to pay a car bill. He knew I was coming in. Paid my bill and I waited to give him a card for A. I said “would you be able to give this card to A, it’s just a card congratulating her on finishing her degree”. He kind of nervously agreed. And that was that. I tried to give it to him without any expectations, as in NOT expected any reply from her, like a ‘thank you’ email. But part of me would love to get some kind of response from her. Why would I lie about that. It was a simple card. Part of the M.I.L.K series of cards. had a colour photo of a little girl jumping into the sea with her gumboots on, with the words “the best things in life are free”. Tried to find something simpler. No luck. Wrote in the card;

A,

Congratulations on finishing your degree, you have worked hard for 3 years.

Where ever the future may take you, Keep well, Keep Safe and Takecare,

Arohanui,
Darryl

Did my best to keep in simple and unemotional as possible. Hopefully she doesn’t think this just me trying to reach out and stop her from going to see this guy. Don’t know and may never know. Have to understand that she may not even open it. Have to acknowledge that she may open it and then through it in the bin. Emotions were all over the place today. Your loving relationship can change THAT quickly people. One minute you think “yeah were having issues but we still say we love each other every night and every morning”. Don’t let your relationships end like this. If there are issues you ‘feel’ are not being addressed or just straight out being ignored FIX THEM!!! I’m living proof that you can’t fix them when you relationship is over. It’s a tough lesson that I have had to learn over the past few weeks.

“What goes around comes back around”. It truly does. I have cheated on my ex’s before, not A, well not physically (check my criteria time blog) AND now I am living proof of JT’s song. Part of me will feel some happiness when the same happens to A, I KNOW, I’m meant o be focussing on making myself a better person, but right now I need something to help me “breath again”.

Only a few more days and she’ll be in another country. Oouuuccch!

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