Two Great Opportunities

Posted: November 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s still really hard trying to stop thinking about A. I think once the weekend comes and goes I’ll get over her heading overseas. Again there is no way I can confirm this BUT my gut feeling says she outta here! Who knows for how long.

She did get my card I gave her dad, which was great. She sent a very formal and polite email saying thanks and she appreciated the though, takecare. Can’t read into that much at all. I was honestly glad she did reply. I was thinking “does 4 years really not mean that much?”. I thought things must have been REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad in our relationship for the past 12 months for her not to say thanks. So I say thanks to A for replying, I’ll use this blog cause she’ll never see it!

I’m sure people who are or who have been in my situation can understand the uncontrollable and unpredictable thoughts and emotions that come flying into your head during the day. Mine come over me like ‘anxiety’ attacks. I can’t breathe and have to take short breaths to control the emotions. Reminds me of all those movies I’ve watched where people use brown paper bags when they are hyper-ventilating. It’s a struggle and there have been a few tears again this week. What I have made sure to do is have my crying sessions with my parents around. I find this better than me sitting in my room crying by myself. They don’t even have to say anything. They just have to be there and support me just by listening to my words. Which my mum has been pretty good at.

Work has been tough, purely because that’s where me and A met. That’s one of the reasons I’m about to (fingers crossed) have an interview for a teaching position back in the UAE. The interview is tomorrow. I’m confident. But realise that if the man upstairs beliefs this is the best for me and my whanau then I will get the job. I even had to go get me a new suit today. Our Japanese homestay was so impressed she wanted to take some photos. Funny. Mum was keen for her to take them too. Good old mum. Celia Lashlie is so right. If I do go back overseas I don’t think ill be heading back to Cambridge again. Too many memories of me and A there. Too much pain for me to handle every  day. They are good memories though, but not the best when you are trying to forget about her. I did feel bad having to use my credit card to get a suit. It didn’t really make me feel like “cool I got a new suit” it was more like, well this is what they wanted us to wear to the interview. And who knows, it may come in handy for my second opportunity.

I can’t even remember if I have mentioned this before. I was trying to think of ways to increase my income. Don’t even know why I thought about it. It came to me a couple of years ago too. Why not become a marriage celebrant!! So that’s what I’ve been sorting out this week. Get forms filled and going to send the application off next week. The great thing is it doesn’t cost anything! I’m hoping the “my community needs younger and browner M/Cs” there is a lack of brown ones I can tell you. I wonder what you have to do to be a Justice of the Peace? That’s next on my list of achievements!

I guess I can thank A for being the catalyst for all this. It’s funny how PAIN can be just as strong a motivator as LOVE can be. If I had a choice though, I think I know which one I would prefer.

I miss her like crazy. I pray every night that she will come back to me…soon. I know God has a BIG plan for me now, I just hope I can live up to his expectations!!

  1. alegra22 says:

    I’ve been thinking of you today with the interview!!!

  2. Kia Ora, After it started and hour late it went, reasonbly well. Considering I was the last interview of 15…Most of them that I saw were wahine and Maaori too which was really positive to see. By the time the interview team of 3 (two females and one male) met me they were really, really tired. Which was understandable. I answered their questions honestly and openly. I’m confident they will offer me a contract. BUT, the money is 2,000 less than I was looking for AND I might get stuck in a part of the country that is, well ‘small’ AND I would have to be ready to leave on Dec 31st…So, very, very quick turnaround. Got a lot of things to think about right now…Trusting God is going to help me make my decision though. He’s been here for me before and always will be.

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