Week 1 DOWN!

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

Well keeping myself single has been EASY!!!

The hard part has been getting over A!! If you read through my past blogs that’s really easy to see.

I’ve seen plenty of good-looking females during the week. But not once did I ever feel tempted to go and talk to them. Or try to spark up a conversation. I still manage to get friendly smiles from random ladies (of all ages) while walking around the local lake. That feels nice. I seem to have a friendly face and I think sometimes I’m smiling and I don’t even know it.

Still getting lots of heart pains and anxiety attacks here and there. Music, writing and typing thoughts down seem to help these times drift away. seriously need to get me a tablet or something so I can write while im not at home. Had to use some paper today just to get things clear in my mind, felt so 18th century using a pen and paper!

Had a great conversation with one of my lifetime best mates AU. AU has had some sound advice for me over the past few years. He has been a great friend to me for almost 25 years of my life. 25 years. You don’t find many people who have a friend for that long. He shared his concerns for me over leaving the country for work. Especially leaving my daughters. Tried to make him understand where I am mentally and emotionally. He understood but was still adament about reminding me of my responsibilities as a Dad. Was really cool to hear him say this. He knows how much I love my girls and how much they mean to me. But this situation with A has REALLY, really, really done a number on me. I am confident that I could find someone else, easily and quickly, but again, what will that proof? That I’m cool and someone thinks I’m awesome? Hahaha, I don’t need to be reminded of that by getting another gf. This journey I am on now will truly show me how cool I can really be!

I had the chance last night to catch up with DC, another very close friend who has been helping me heal through this time. We chatted about his past relationship and how he managed to move on and heal. I had heard parts of this before BUT it always manages to make me feel ‘clearer’ about the choices I have been making. I told him again that I’d been struggling. He just listened and nodded. That’s all anyone really needs when they are hurting. Someone to listen and acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. We spoke about my impending flight overseas to work. He too offered some great advice. We spoke about the sister of his good friend (well a good friend of both of ours) and how she was going through a hard time too. He said she had read my blog and it had helped her a little. I text our friend tonight and said I would happy to chat with her about ‘things’. I have found the more people you tell the better you start feeling. I have told so many people. Especially through this blog.

By now A is most likely all cuddled up with her new man overseas. My gut feeling tells me this. And my gut hasn’t been wrong for the past few weeks. Wish it could tell me the stupid lotto numbers! That’s whats hurting me so much. Can’t get those images of A and her new man having fun. Knowing that less than 5 weeks ago we were the ones cuddling up next to each other and having fun. Eagerly waiting to see each other after work and just being with each other. like I said before, letting go is easier said than done. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Which is hard for me to do, cause I have mostly fast twitch fibres!! Well medium twitch fibres now a days.

MAN time just goes soooooooo slow when you want it to speed up. Each day just drags on. And the more you think about it the slower it goes. I really can’t wait for this year to end. I want to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. I miss her so much. I wish she was here with me now.

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