The Master and the Slave

Posted: November 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

I am sure there are many out there that can relate to this title. It refers to your positioning in your relationship/s. One is the Master and the other is the Slave. It seems obvious to me where I was placed in my relationship with A. The Master is the one who controls EVERYTHING in the relationship. They make all the decisions. The Slave has little or no input into these decisions.

Sure there were sometimes, not many, where I would let A decide what to do, but it was usually to do with simple things like what we were going to have for dinner or maybe what movie we would watch (even though it would mostly be my decision for movies). They were usually very trivial decisions that I didn’t really care about. BUT, I would get really upset if she wouldn’t make up her mind about these simple things. Then my ‘Master Talk’ would come back into play again.

There of course was a very simple and structured punishment system. Al turtle puts this in perspective;

1. Push Downward – Making your Slave feel even more worthless. Put downs, ridicule, shaming, etc. eg; “What a stupid thing to say!”, “Man you dumb”. You get the picture.

2. Push Outward – threatening your Slave that you will leave them or cut them off from you if they don’t do what they are told.

These are definitely two things I use with A. I can easily think of many times I used these to get my way.

There are two ways that the Slave attempts to react or take some control back;

1. Silence – They know not to share their view without retribution so keep quiet. Not healthy at all as this creates resentment towards the Master. Well even more resentment.

2. Argue – The Slave will try to argue their point but in most cases will get squashed by the Master. Again just adding to the resentment.

If you recognise this behaviour, which I am sure you all do, what can be done? Well Al discuss the FRIEND-FRIEND scenario. We don’t see it often in a relationship, mainly because it’s very hard to maintain.

This type of relationship is difficult as it is almost run like a democracy. Both parties have to agree or find some common ground on decision they make. This is obviously more time-consuming than the Master/Slave relationship as only one person is making all the decisions. Sometimes M/S can be okay eg; best route to take in a city the Master is familiar with (lame but only example I could think of!). F/F is less ‘efficient’ but is more positive than M/S. Eventually you will both get better at deciding on everything and shortening the decision time down. Patience is the key for the F/F relationship to work out well.

I look back at my relationship with A and realise there were SOME times where we were in a F/F relationship. Times where we both felt safe and comfortable with each other and were able to say things that might usually upset us both. There weren’t many, as I hated any kind of conflict so would often shut down to avoid this, but we did have a few.

Need to write a new entry now just had some other thoughts that wouldn’t really fit into this particular blog. Hope this talk about Master and the Slave has opened your eyes and maybe helped you take a long hard look at your relationship and how you can improve it!

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