Family and Friends

Posted: November 27, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

When you’re heart is hurting and the pain of loneliness gets too much, who can you reach out too? Most people would answer; Family and Friends right? Well it makes sense to me. And as Al Turtle says, “All people make sense, All the time”. Basically this means, loosely, What you think is a stupid decision is not a stupid decision to them. You don’t know what’s going through their mind and you don’t know what they are actually processing. This makes LOTS of sense to me!

So my family and my friends have been an integral part to my healing process. Without them I couldn’t honestly say where I would be now, post BU now, 5 weeks on.

Yesterday I had one of those ‘lonely’ days. The kind of day where you just wanted to go home and cuddle up with the one you love. Where you just wanted to be able to talk to someone and really enjoy their company. Have them talk to you about their day and just chill. Then you remember that you can’t do that anymore cause that person is no longer there. That’s what I felt yesterday. It was an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Terrible feeling to have. Felt very claustrophobic. A feeling that I found hard to escape from.

DC and EAC had invited me around for a thanksgiving weekend. They had been ‘encouraging’ me during the week to come over and see them. I was keen to come, but way to poor to head over to their place. They had even offered to come pick me up and/or pay for my petrol. True friends, which I now know I actually have many of. I turned down their offer, mostly through pride. I also found it hard to go see them because the last time we did hangout was for DC’s birthday earlier in the year…with A. Too many memories.

I eventually decided to head over. My daughters, whom I usually spend time with on the weekends, were going to be busy on Sat so I had no reason to sit around home. Pride was stopping me again, but then my parents stepped in. They could see I was struggling with my loneliness feeling and offered to give me petrol money. I love my parents. I headed over to DC’s and EAC’s whare. It was good to drive for a while. I could see in my parents eyes as I drove off that they were VERY concerned about me, they have only ever see me once before this emotionally upset. That’s what being a parent is. That’s why I KNOW that I am very blessed to have such caring parents. Even though I don’t show them as much appreciation as I should do. That’s one thing I have been working 0n over the past few weeks. It is hard. I have to consciously remind myself to tell my parents “I love you” every day, and actually mean it. I have to remind myself to share my day and my thoughts with my parents as much as I can. I am trying to open up to them everyday. Everyday.

Coming to DC’s and EAC’s for the weekend has been great for me. For whatever reason these loneliness pains have been very strong. I met people last night who I strangely had a few connections with. Friends of Friends and even Friends of my whanau. Small world. We had great conversations and some wonderful food too. This weekend has been the most I have eaten in the past 5 weeks. We joked (well me really) about how being stressed in this kind of situation speeds up your metabolism (over-active thyroid) so losing weight has not been a problem for the past few weeks. This stress burns through food like crazy!! Not the best way to lose weight, but definitely an easy way to eat what you want and know your not going to get fat!

It was a thanksgiving meal. EAC is American so it was her clever idea to celebrate Thanksgiving. Good idea. It is a time to reflect on the year that has gone and pay thanks to all the good things that have happened to you. There are things that I am not thankful for BUT there have been MANY things in the past  few weeks that I want to say thanks for. Friends. From the beginning of this ‘ordeal’ I have had the full support of ALL my friends close and distant. It has been funny to see who has been there for me and who has been too busy to care. Fortunately, most people have been great. So to all those who have been there, THANK YOU!! I’ll know you’ll all be there for me, even when I’m on the other side of the world. (Posted this a day late…my bad)

Love to my whanau and friends. Very blessed indeed.

  1. esccmedia says:

    I hadn’t planned on commenting on your posts, but I feel very strongly about this one – and would like to thank YOU for letting me be there for you in your time of need. I don’t think I could fully explain/make you understand my appreciation for what you did for me during my time of need – and now I have been able to give back. Not that I ever felt like I owed you, but it has been nice to be able to give back.

    I’m sure I’m not the only one of your friends that feel this way.


    “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” – Walter Winchell

    • E,

      Thank you my bro. You have been there from the beginning, which means so much. In those first few days I was REALLY lost. Your friendship helped me keep my sanity!

      I can’t say much more as I think this post explains my feelings about friends like yourself. You are and will always be a GREAT friend whom I know will be there for me always. As I will be there for you whenever you need me.


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