Patience and Faith

Posted: January 10, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

These two words have come to the fore during the week.

I had a vivid dream last Friday. It was a little strange though. I was teaching in a school (I know that’ weird already!) and all the other teachers were ones that I have taught with over the past few years. Except they were all 30 years younger. So for this to make some sense you should also know that all these teachers were/are currently in their 60’s. Anyway, they are all-wise heads of the teaching profession too. Been at the game for a very longtime. In my dream they all looked very, very young and they were all very tall, which isn’t that strange as most of them are tall in real life. But in my dream they were VERY tall. I thought to myself that this dream must have something to do with whats happening in my life so I made sure that I paid attention.

The second part of my dream or scene was weird too. I was teaching in a class and a student decided to flash me her breasts. As you know this happens all the time in secondary schools! Part of me was like “whoa, a free show”, the other part of me was like “WTF”. WTF won and I woke up. I tried, as you do, to go back to sleep to see if the dream would finish off or at least continue. It didn’t.

There where two words that kept resonating in my mind during and after this dream; Prophetic and 27th of January. I’ve been trying to apply possibilities to these words over the past week. At first I thought the word Prophetic was a word my mind made up. I understood the core of the word, ref to prophecy, but wasn’t absolutely sure this word existed. After a quick google search I was corrected. The date seems a little TOO obvious to those following my blog. Could this be a leaving date for me? EAC and I had a good chat about these two words and the dream itself. She added her insight about the dream. Maybe the other teachers were a representation of were I wanted to be, an old wise head, and the ‘other’ part was a reflection of one side of me that I am struggling to get rid of. Made sense.

Straight after the dream I also had the urge to email A. For whatever reason I wanted to continue the ‘Al Turtle’ contacting system (sure I mentioned this a few posts ago). Basically you want to slow down the leaving process of your ex by keeping very limited contact with them and showing them, via email that you are trying to make positive changes, while still keeping things vague at the same time…I know sounds complicated, but it’s not. Anyway, I sent a short email to her outlining how I wanted to thank her for the decision she made. That it had forced me to step back and see the person I had become. And saying how I knew I needed to change ,supported by positive people. Something along those lines. She replied the same day. Which actually surprised me. It was a very short thank you reply and very business like. It reignited the painful feelings I had slowly been getting over. Reminded me of how hurt I still am and how much I still miss her at the same time. Tough situation to be in. Fortunately I have a plethora of support people around me. I talked to EAC about this too. She had some positive words to share.

This has been another obstacle that has tested my Patience and my Faith. I have always prided myself on my patience. Water off a ducks back and all that jazz! My faith is SOLID as can be too. EAC also helped me remember about other situations in my life were prayer and God have come into my life and helped me get through some very tough times. I’d forgotten them. When things are going well in your life you forget the hard times quickly. I have realized this during the past few months. It’s almost been 3 months now since we BU.

I am constantly being questioned by people about when I am leaving overseas. Politely questioned. I have lost count of how many times I have had to repeat my story. Definition of patience; Keeping calm after continuous questioning. I had this conversation with my mum last night.

People too quickly need someone to blame for what is going wrong in their lives. When in reality there are really only two things you can blame (If blame is what you want to do) God and You. I’d prefer the word responsible instead of blame. If you have true and utter faith then you have to realize that God has chosen to take you down a certain path. That path is not always paved with gold either. How will you learn anything if your pathway is unblocked and paved with continual happiness (gold)? There have to be cracks, so you can seal them up. There have to be broken cobblestones, so you can replace them. There have to be slippery patches, so you will remember where not to tread or what shoes you need to wear for your next journey to Te Awa.

Regardless. Patience and Faith are my catchphrase words for this week maybe even longer. Maybe others can use these words too.

Comments
  1. Alegra says:

    It has been so powerful to watch you go through this process, D. I have been thinking a lot about your moko and the ways lessons present themselves and how, really, every moment we are presented with lessons that bring us the opportunity for greater freedom and love.

  2. Hi ya, just to let you know i nominated you for the liebster blog award. Please check it on my profile to accept it. Thanks!

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