Strange Temptations

Posted: February 25, 2012 in Uncategorized
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I am bemused by my own (can’t think of a better word) libido. Here I am in another country preparing for a new job. With a million things to get sorted. And still I think of A. It has been over four-months now, which actually doesn’t sound that long. I have had plenty to reflect on and process. I have met many other people, especially here, that have been through similar situations. It’s great to make these connections. NS, a new American friend, shared his story with me. I felt privileged as I always do when people feel comfortable enough to do that.

So, back to my idea of ‘strange temptations’. Had the opportunity to play touch with one of the local rugby clubs. Afterwards we had a lovely BBQ. Here comes the strange temptation. There was a pretty, skinny, English possibly South African lady. Which sounds ‘attractive’. But by her appearance I would have to put her in the category of a (for lack of a better word) skank. Now obviously I am basing this on visual recognition. I didn’t talk to her and I didn’t ask anyone about her. Besides the obvious physical attraction she had two things that I do not find attractive at all. She was a chain smoker and was drinking like a fish. So strange temptation came into play. I couldn’t take my eyes off her even though those two things ‘seriously’ disgust me. I thought about my past relationships. Most of them have been kind-hearted, generous and loving people. And these are all traits that I love.

I tried to understand why.

Still not really sure.

The old me would’ve done anything possible to get her attention or initiate a conversation. The old me has gone. The new me just kept on reminding myself about the journey I am on. About the promises I have made to myself. But the temptation was there. Right now it’s One point to me and Zero to temptation. Four months down. Twenty to go.

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