Anxious connections

Posted: February 27, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Started my new job today, covered in a blanket of anxiousness. It’s one thing to start a new job, but it’s a different kettle of fish when you are in another country and don’t speak the native language. I honestly thought this new challenge would be enough to keep my mind of A. It was and it wasn’t. The more anxious I became during the day, the more I started to think about her. It was like my brain was trying to ‘blame’ her for this feeling. That it was her fault that I was here and having these anxiety attacks. It makes sense that I see this connection.

It did make me wonder if this anxiousness would ever go away or subside. I truly believe it will. And yes I am well aware that TIME will help this happen.

I think you can attribute that feeling of anxiousness to a sense of ‘fear’. I always seem to get like his when there are unknown elements that I can’t control. It’s in my nature to want to control everything in my life. I constantly did this with A. Not always in a positive way. I myself helped create anxiousness within her during the end of our relationship. Well that’s what I believe anyway. Read back on my blog for more about this.

I hate this feeling so I always try to find a way to get rid of it. I had mentally prepared myself for this challenge. But you never know how you are going to react until you are knee deep in it. I really felt like I was going to drown in this sea of anxiousness today. And I did wonder if I had made the right decision to come and here and leave my ‘safe’ environment. I’ll have a few extra things to pray about tonight.

Anxiousness is definitely connected to my fears. Have to face them head on. I’ve done it before, just have to get up and do it again. Hopefully God’s listening again tonight.

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