I have tried to keep my word. Truly I have. But I have broken promises. In particular I have broken my promise to blog at least 3 times a week. I have stated before that this was going to be a huge challenge for me. In the past few weeks it has. My new life here in the middle east has taken over. There have been many chores to do and many more people to help.

Of course I feel bad about breaking my promises. But in my heart I know that there has been a reason for not posting. The hearbreak of losing A had been slipping away gradually. Each day I had been feeling better and not thinking about her as much. Which of course was positive and just proved to me that coming here was the best decision I’d made. As I haven’t been posting these feelings came rushing back. I think It had something to do with the fact it was her birthday this week AND it was her graduation. The more I thought about this the more the old feelings came flowing back…it was tough. Well it still is tough right now.

Yesterday I moved into my new apartment. It is very nice. I crashed out on my new couch and had a dream about A. I haven’t had a dream about her since we broke up. It was a very sad yet vivid dream too. I was in my bed at home tossing and turning in my sleep calling out her name. It woke me from my real sleep. My heart hurt. I still miss her very much. I still wonder what she is doing and how she is. But I try not too as it just brings back those heart pains.

God has been very, very good to me during my time here. He has introduced me to some wonderful people and has made me challenge myself on a personal level, forcing me to do things that I wouldn’t usually do (nothing illegal or anything against my morals either). My patience has been severally tested here by various situations and people. I think these heart pains are just him reminding me about what I need to keep doing to receive such good will.

So, I’m going to take my friend’s advice, that’s you AB and go back to blogging once a week. This is not meant to be a chore or something I hate doing. It is meant to help me. Help me become a better person. Help me heal and even help me heal others form their own pain and demons. Almost six months gone even with the broken promises.

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Comments
  1. alegra22 says:

    Progress, not perfection – a motto from twelve step programs. And it’s so true. Better to continue to make progress toward your goal and to be gentle with yourself – I believe we learn/heal more efficiently that way.
    Big loves.

  2. Hope says:

    Hang in there!

    • Really appreciate the kind words and the likes too!

      • Hope says:

        Well, I know what you’re going through since i’m in the healing process of the worst breakup ever…Reading your posts felt kind of reassuring, knowing that some people feel or felt the exact same pain as I feel right now. So yes. Hang in there and keep your head up! 🙂

      • It’s great to know that someone can get some solace from my words. Feel free to share your own exp with me too. The more the merrier in this journey is great.

        Sent from my iPhone

      • Hope says:

        I’m blogging like a mad woman these days…! Feel free to read me…;)

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