Archive for June, 2012

Ive been drifting this week. Thoughts of A and the past. Thoughts of me and the future. Wondering where I will be in 5 years OR 10 years time. I love the lifestyle here…but the job isn’t the best.

Anyway, what kind of thoughts have I had you ask? Just the same old ones about A. Wonder if she thinks about me as much as I think about her? If she’s okay? If she’s in love?…those kind of thoughts…Like I’ve said before “It’s the not knowing that can kill you and sometimes the knowing too!”.

The two ladies I met have kinda drifted away. Through no fault of mine. I went on a “hangout” not a date, with one of them. She is a lovely, lovely lady. We talked for a longtime about our different situations and connections. We had a great time. Caught up briefly again a few days later. Good times. And that has been that really. The other lady, well to be honest I saw here again at a lunch thing, again lovely girl BUT just not really my type…not that I think anything may have happened…but possibly could of.

My thoughts are clouded. Still drift off sometimes. Daydreaming about meeting someone special. Not pining for them, just waiting patiently. No rush at all on my end. Fully knowing that God has something great in store for me. He hasn’t lead me astray yet!!

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I’ve been fortunate enough to meet two lovely ladies here.

Now I know most people following my blog religiously would understand that this is far off the concept of my journey. Which I completely agree with. The strange thing is this though. In the past few weeks my natural “attraction” has been working over time. For whatever reason. I spoke to EAC about it on fb. It started with small things, literally small things. My very good friend BB invited me for dinner…or maybe I invited myself?? Anyway, I had met his daughter before (she’s 3) she was very polite but seemed very shy. We got to spend a little more time getting to know each other while I was over for dinner. Not long after dinner I sat down to talk with my friend and his wife. His lovely daughter came over and I could tell she wanted to sit on my lap. She jumped on and with in a few seconds she gave me a HUGE hug. It made my heart swell. She even gave me a kiss…or a lick…kinda like a cat! It made me miss my daughters so, so much. BB said later that she obviously feels comfortable with you. I agreed.

A few days before that another good friend had me over for dinner too. AND the same thing happened with his daughter whose a little younger though.

I said to EAC that maybe I need to adjust the settings on my attraction ‘system’! She said, “maybe you should just turn it off!!!”. I love her candid advice. I know she’s just looking after my best interests.

This has continued with two ‘older’ ladies. Now I’m not saying they are ‘down’ with me, but I have enough experience that they are at least ‘interested’ in getting to know me. One wahine I’ll be catching up with at the end of this week as she is having a farewell brunch with some mutual friends of ours. I’ve challenged her to a dance-off! Of course the danger of this is that she may and I stress may take this attention to mean more…to be honest part of me is like “whats the harm?” and the other part is “you know what the harm can be!!”. I know I just have to make sure if she is interested that I don’t lead her on or tease her…maybe i’ve done that too much already?

The other lovely lady happens to be from my home country. She is absolutely lovely. Meet her in a lift at my mates apartment block. She is a perfect example of what I am attracted to; Blonde, blue eyes, cute, cuddly (not fat) and a wonderful smile…this is obviously all surface stuff. I invited her to txt me if she wanted to catch up and ‘bond’ (I know, seem to be overusing the ‘ marks a bit in this blog) And she did. Which was cool. We hangout for a long time. Talking, realizing that we had actually had MANY connections from back home. It was crazy! Definitely no coincidence that we met. I actually said that to her too. We shared our reasons for coming here and our own religious beliefs too. I am honestly very attracted to this young lady.

BUT, I’m still on my journey, which I have explained to her. She didn’t say too much about it though and I said it in a way that I am sure didn’t sound like “PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!” Again leaving everything up to God as per usual. He hasn’t led me wrong so far. It’s been 8 months now since A left me. Still miss her and still love her. Have to keep on track.

(Just checked my Criteria for my journey. Number One: I can have open friendships with females. Nothing more than friendship. And I must be absolutely honest with them about this from the beginning. Looks like I’m okay then!)

I’ve been out a few times with my mates here. Some are non-drinkers and some are drinkers. I’m a non-drinker but it doesn’t really matter to me as long as everyone is having a good time and not getting into too much trouble!!

Obviously there are many beautiful women here. It’s kinda a strange feeling. I don’t want to not attract women but I don’t want to set myself out on some unapproachable man-island either. 

We were at a restaurant. There were a group of ladies sitting across from us. In this country it can be difficult to see western women, especially showing any skin. This one particular lady was attractive. She was a buxom lass but had a very pretty face. I like buxom. Well, not too buxom. Anway, the temptation was hard to resist. As in “flirt or not to flirt”. I didn’t but it was still very, very tempting.

I continued my evening with my mates. We went to a few places with some scantly clad ladies. One of my mates tried to hook me up with a prostitute…very awkward… fortunately for me there was a huge language barrier. 

Temptation can be difficult to handle. When you have the right motivation though it’s so much easier. I have constant reminders of what I am trying to do. Things that I couldn’t do when I was with A. It still makes me sad to think about that. Just because my ‘coupleness” is on hold, it dosen’t mean I can’t still have a good time with my mates. Good times.

Don’t get tempted my temptation really. Just say no…or run away and hide if you can’t!!