Archive for July, 2012

There is one thing in life that is always constant – change.

If you are unable to change, adapt or be flexible you will always do what you have done. Obvious.

The problem is what type of change do you want to make? Positive or Negative?

I’ve been working on positive change for the past  9 months or so. I have had temptation thrown in my face and have come out the other end unscathed and even wiser than before. God has given me challenges and obstacles and I am pleased to say that I have managed to work through them, with the help of family, friends and my own self-determination.

I had a conversation with one of the most wonderful friends I have ever had the privilege of having, EAC. She has been a guiding light during these tough months. She shared something that had been weighing on her mind and the mind of other very close, loving mutual friends and family. They all really want me to come back home. I have always known this and it has never been a secret that I would love to come home too. They expressed the fact that my daughters are growing up without their father. They compared this too their own backgrounds with their own fathers. A few of my close mates either did not grow up with their fathers around or had an estranged relationship with them. I would place myself in the estranged relationship. They were trying to tell me that my daughters need me NOW not 2 years or more down the track. Again this is obvious.

I too have always believed in children having two parents to raise them. A very traditional view of the family unit I know. Problem is, this has dramatically changed, not only in wider society but also in my own life. When some fo my friends were just having their first children I was leaving the mother of mine. I stayed in that relationship for love, then for my daughter, I couldn’t stay any longer. I know my situation isn’t unique at all. What I do know is that as far as fathers go I’m pretty good. Sure, I’ve made plenty of mistakes BUT I’ve also done some pretty awesome things too. My ex has done certain things that have ‘restricted’ my input into our daughters upbringing. I’ve never been to sure if that’s because she is still angry with me (which she has the right to be) or she just genuinely forgets about me wanting to be involved in their life’s.

The strange thing is. With my time over here my ex and I seem to be communicating better with each other. Sure we would text or ring when I was at home but I would generally wait for her to contact me about anything to do with our girls. I usually had my daughters on the weekend and I would see m eldest daughter everyday as she attended the school I taught at. I felt that I was still able to maintain a very solid and positive relationship with my daughters.

I said to EAC that I could understand where my friends were coming from talking about their absent fathers and how they felt it had affected them. What I also said was not having their fathers around did not turn them into bad people. In fact they are wonderful human beings. What I thought about later was that God gives us challenges, like losing your parents or parent at an early age, through death or separation. We are tested and measured to see if we are able to cope, manage with something so difficult. SOME people come out better off without them and others…well not so good. I am absolutely adamant that my choice to come here is not going to affect my daughters in a negative way. Of course I miss them and I know how much they miss me. The questions that were raised by my friends words were; Do they think I will waiver from my resolve? Do they not think my relationship with my daughters will survive my ‘physical’ absence in their lives?

I love my friends and the support they have given me has been amazing. What they believe makes absolute sense to them. True. What I have learnt is that in life what you believe in can be easily changed by one simple event (or something more than that) I could go on and on about this but I think you go the point. I have changed and will keep changing, in a positive way. Gods with me. My family are with me. And so are my amazing friends.

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Spent the weekend with two of my very good friends here in the UAE. We are all around the same age. They have a wealth of life experience and have travelled to many places around the world. They have been a huge help in getting me through my first few months here..Along with AS, MB, BW and BB. We get on so well. I am truly blessed.

Only problem is I’m sure my two mates are concerned/worried about my relationship status. For starters they don’t know about my journey. I’ve really had the opportunity to talk to them about it. 

We went to places that well…aren’t my usual choice when I want to go listen to music…basically they where club sized brothels. The females are all over you. If you didn’t know it was a ‘hook up’ spot you would think your were god’s gift to women. I felt extremely uncomfortable there. My mates where great they just liked playing along with the whole thing. These women were from asia and africa, many different shapes and sizes. It was a very interesting experience. And of course an important step in my own journey.

How hard can it be to keep the faith when there are so many temptations around you? I’ve never been one to buckle to peer pressure and trust me,my bros where hardout trying to get me to ‘talk’ to some of these ladies. I kept on laughing and telling themI would never pay for something you could get for free! I do think they have a suspicion that I’m gay…silly boys!

I’m not gonna lie, part of me was like “stuff it, just chat them up and have fun then let them down easy”…Couldn’t do it though. Which made me laugh. There are so many reasons why I need to keep the faith. My Ta Mokos (tattoos) are a constant reminder and my memories of the pain I felt and created with mine and A’s relationship are still very, very strong. Why would anyone choose to step back into the same shoes that you have worn, that still smell like crap?

Anyway, keeping the faith is a challenge. Trying not to lead any female on is a challenge. Surrounding yourself with constant temptation isn’t the best, but neither is locking myself away in my room either. All part of my journey though. Still had a great weekend with my mates too.