Past, Present, Future…

Posted: August 3, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted…Been busy enjoying being home and spending time with my beautiful daughters.

Being home has given me plenty of time to reflect on the last 5 months. I was concerned that all my old emotions would come rushing back, being surrounded by old memories. They didn’t hit me at first. In the past few weeks they have been hammering me again. EVERYTHING that reminded me of my past feelings for A have been doing the same things again…The biggest difference is, I can Handle it. Time does help heal old wounds, very cliché, but very true. BUT time, I think, only helps heal when you use that time positively. I really believe this is exactly what I have done.

I have made sure to surround myself with positive people. I have made sure to CONSTANTLY remind myself of my past decisions and actions. I have definitely wavered in some resolutions, but not to any tragic degree…and not before seriously thinking about the repercussions and consequences.

I must admit I didn’t think I’d still be thinking about A as much as I have been. I did think I would’ve moved on ’emotionally’ by now. I haven’t. Been trying to figure out why. Back home here as amplified these thoughts to. Just reminds me that I made the BEST decision to head to the UAE.

I KNOW that finding someone else would help me ‘feel’ better. There have been times I have been tempted to do this. But I remember my promise to myself. It is difficult being alone. Very difficult. BUT there are so many positive things happening for me now…becoming static or worse heading in reverse would make these past few months redundant.

BB and my bro EC reminded me to get blogging again. I thanked them for the push too. Just got into that comfortable place where I didn’t feel like adding anything as there wasn’t anything, I thought, was ‘dramatic’ enough…but I guess a blog doesn’t always have to be that way does it?

I’ve been following others blog’s too. They help me with my journey too. One in particular I find very interesting. This particular blogger has been great in expressing their feelings, truthful and honest. They make mistakes which they share with everyone…this helps me with my own emotional reflections. Watching others work through their own issues, similar to yours, helps in so many ways.

Past, present, future, 3 things that are my guiding principles right now. My Ta Moko’s remind me of these too.

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