Some people don’t forget…

Posted: August 26, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Having children was the best thing that could’ve happened in my life. A fact.

The birth of my eldest daughter, now over 16 years ago, was the catalyst for my entire LIFE since then. She brought me focus. Kids can do that for some people.

My ex (Before A) and I had a terrible and looonnnngggg end to our 10 year relationship. Terrible (read the rest of the blog for that story). Our relationship ended less than 6 years ago. She has never forgiven me for my past transgressions. She has chosen to not forget the pain and anguish I put her through. I have ALWAYS understood this. And accepted it too.

I had hoped, as we got older and she found a new partner, that she would, fingers crossed, somehow forgive me. She has said that she has, but it seems very difficult for me to believe this.

Over the past few years she has, off and on, made things ‘difficult’ for me. Sadly mostly to do with our girls. Controlling every aspect of their lives. Don’t get me wrong. She is a wonderful mother. She has done a fantastic job raising our girls. BUT she has forgotten (ironic) that I have helped her even with the limited input she has allowed me.

I often feel like an ATM. As long as I am paying her regular child support and extra cash for other necessities then everything is ‘okay’.

It is hard to find redemption in this situation, when redemption is not possible. It is hard to have to ask for permission to spend time with your daughters (we have no legal agreement, just a mutual one) and have any plans you have made for them squashed if my ex or her family have plans…regardless of you having ‘booked’ them in advance.

I have never spoken badly about my ex to my daughters either. I have always made sure to be completely respectful about my ex when talking to my girls. Even when there are times that my daughters REALLY want to stay with me or spend time with me and my ex decides that ‘something else’ has come up and they can’t do either. I just smile at my beautiful daughters and tell them that I love them and tell them i’ll catch up with them soon. I’m starting to get sick of making excuses.

I love my daughters more than any other female in the world…then my mum of course. I feel hamstrung. But I don’t have any other choice. I’m frustrated. I’m sad. Angry left me years ago.

Some people just don’t forget…

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