Posts Tagged ‘friendships’

I can barely believe it myself. 23 months. Surreal.

I’ve read back through my Blog, from the beginning back in 2011, till just last month. 

And now here we are.

It has officially been 2 years since A and I “broke up”. But it’s another month to go before I finish the journey I have been on. This is really just a touch base post.

It’s funny too. Today while cruising through fb, I came across an interesting blog. It talked about finding a good women to marry. Actually the right women to marry. It was no surprise really. Said, what I have always believed in myself. Find a women who is independent and intelligent. A women who has her own money, her own friends, her own life. A women who does not need you and does not need you to takecare of her. But a women that WANTS to takecare of you.

I found it interesting that I “bumped” into this article today. Coincidence. Maybe. It was a very, very timely reminder for me. God send. I’d like to think so.

This is the kind of women I’ve had before. Lost before. 

Counting down, 4 weeks from now.

It’s saddens me to write about this.

I’ve posted before about keeping connected with friends and family. This is something I have made sure to do. It’s something I’d forgotten to do in the past. I’ve made sure to reverse that trend now.

But, most people forget.

In my life I have supported/comforted, etc, etc many family, friends and acquaintances. Some people I have spent many a day and night bringing them up from their own pit of dispair. Maybe a little too dramatic, but you get the picture. It’s in my nature to want to help people. Always has been. I like being there for others. I like to think they would feel the same way. I have found that it isn’t always the case.

People Forget.

It goes back to me making strong connections. I open my heart and my mind to people. People I have only just met. I know this is strange, but I have always worked in reverse with my trust. I give people 100% of “me”…then I start taking back that trust when people ‘wrong me’. It’s like giving students and ‘A’ from the start of the term and they work to keep it..cliche, I know.

I am very skilled at making people feel good about themselves. I help amplify all the positive things that they have going for them. I offer them honest and open advice. I listen. I observe. I empathise. I’m good at it!

SOME people take advantage of this skill.

People forget.

Why have I decided to write about this?

I had some friends going through a similar situation to me last year. They have both now found new significant others. This makes me REALLY happy for them. But what…upsets me is the fact that they don’t seem to want to reconnect since I’ve been home. It just makes me sad. All three of us made strong connections through our shared experiences. Well I guess I thought we did. We all shared very intimate details about our situations, issues that we were going through, etc, etc. But now they are in relationships again I guess they don’t want to be reminded of those times. Fair enough. I can understand that. They know all about my journey too.

To be far, I have only seen one of the two and he did say he would contact me and make dinner plans…3 weeks ago now..LOL…but I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. The other mate I’m gonna contact asap!!

Like I said People Forget.

I wish they didn’t.

Very, very, very dangerous place to be in…

It’s easy to start reminiscing about the “good old days” of being in a relationship with someone. I too often wonder why people think so much about their ex. Especially when their ex has left them for someone else. But we all know that EVERYONE has their own unique situation.

I have been reminiscing about all the good tinmes I had with A and also with M.I guess because they are the two longest and strongest relationships I have had in my life time.

I have thought about how things may have been different with M and I. I have thought how happy our daughters would be having both their mum and dad together again. But, then I remind myself why we finally separated in the first place. We both loved each other very, very much. But our marriage clocks just never seemed to be synced. It seems to be the same as A and I. We both often spoke about whether things may have been different between us if we were the same age and had met up earlier in our lifes. Again, just bad timing.

“If it’s ment to be it’s ment to be”, a very cliche line of course but apt none the less. For my situation I feel. We are all masters of our own destiny I believe, and we are also guided by the blessings of God. Not everyone believes this, that’s what makes the world so special. I have many friends and family that aren’t religious in any way. I don’t plan to connivence them other wise. I am happy how life is panning out for me now. Besides not having my daughters with me life here is good.

Reminiscing can make you feel happy and sad at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. I still think about many of my past relationships and I do wonder where each one of them has ended up. I’m not sure if we ever truly lose those connections with others? I guess we do if we really want to.

Nothing wrong with reminiscing, but can’t dwell on the past for too long right?

For many years I have prided myself on being a very patient and caring person. This is how I expect others to treat me too. Sadly this is not always the case.

Sometimes It feels like certain people take advantage of my kind nature. The funny thing is I let people take advantage of my nature. For one simple reason. It’s a test. If these people don’t repay the kindness that I share with them, not necessarily towards me, then those people won’t see much of me again.

I am a very trusting person. When I first meet people I like to see the best in them. I like to be open and honest with them from the beginning and often give them the benefit of the doubt on certain behaviours that I usually frown upon. It is definitely not about me “judging” them. It’s more to do with seeing what people are ‘really’ like. As we all know everyone uses ‘masks’ to hide what they are really like. It just depends on what situation they are placed in before we actually get to see the ‘real’ them.

Once they have revelled themselves I am able to make a better decision on whether or not I want to continue a friendship with them. This has happened often in the past few weeks here. People whom I thought were ‘nice’ people ended up being (for lack of a better word) dickheads! Not only in things they said but in things they did, towards myself and others. There is only so far my patience can be tested. And I have learnt quickly to not invest too much time in these types of friendships.

A was someone whom I needed to invest more time in. She was someone I needed to show more patience with. That’s what you do with someone you love. That’s obvious. My situation is not isolated or unique. But it has taught me to do things BETTER than I use to do. To show patience and understanding to everyone, except for those dickheads. I’ve realised that I must make sure to surround myself with people who will not drain me of my own ‘energy’. I like my generous nature. But I don’t have to waste it on them.

So, patience is a virtue and something that I need to keep focussed on and spend it on good people. There are plenty of them around. I’ve even managed to have found some here…not many though!

This kind of links into pervious posts but has amazingly become even more relevant recently. These apples can slowly rot away, ferment and engulf even the most experienced of us all.

They slowly spread their rot on to you. At first your own immune system can resist but with prolonged exposure (which can happen when you have no control over the placement of the apple) you too will fill with rot.

I believe A could see that all the ‘rot’ that was surrounding me was starting to rub off on her. rot is a strong word but it’s the best thing to use with this particular metaphor. The rot had built up inside me for a while. I never spotted it.I should’ve but I didn’t. Hence the idea of ‘experience’. Even the most travelled of all of us can get stuck in a rot (not a spelling mistake, just a cheap pun).

You can see what that one bad apple can do too when surround by others. The can do serious damage.

I’ve experienced this recently in my new job. It’s sad but you have to try to avoid these apples. I am getting good at spotting them now. And getting better at avoiding them too. Most of the time I just want to squash them…but cause I’m a pacifist squashing is out of the question.

It’s funny to cause I really love bananas. Apples make good pie though.