Yip. It’s been that long now. I have to admit, it does feel a lot longer.
I reflect back on these past few months, in fact I have been doing that a lot recently. I wasn’t sure why, but to be honest I think it’s because I know it’s A’s birthday this month. In fact it’s in a few days. Maybe that’s why?
Anyway, I have thought about A more. She made a huge impact on my life. She obviously didn’t realise how much she really did mean to me. Heck neither did I at the time! When I make connections with others in a positive way it doesn’t matter where I go in the world I always remember these connections. I have always found these difficult to break. I have discovered that others haven’t.
I have made many friends over my lifetime, I find this easy to do. But I have noticed that some of these friends I make lose that ‘friendship’ connection once you are out of their immediate life. Out-of-sight Out-of-mind. And when you try to reconnect with them later on, things never seem to be the same. It’s almost as if they have forgotten why you where friends in the first place. Fortunately this hasn’t happened too many times in my life, but when it does happen it actually hurts a little. A feels like a slap in the face, a light slap. I’ve developed a resilience to this overtime. I’m a loyal and kind-hearted person so things like this hit me more so than others. I value EVERY friendship I create. People are the most valuable asset you can have in your life, besides your family of course.
To combat this I make sure to still be honest and open when I make a ‘new’ friend, but instead of investing in just one particular person, I make sure to diversify and invest in many friends. Making sure that each connection is positive and strong. That way if any of these people end up not being so ‘cool’ It won’t be such a big deal not having them in my life. I think you can see the connection between this and my relationship with A now. It’s all about how much you invest in a relationship. And what you are willing to sacrifice to help the relationship grow and grow.
Through this blog and the past few months I have learnt a lot about myself and the world around me. I have met some wonderful people and been to some amazing places. I admit that I would’ve never been able to do this if A had not of left me. It’s funny when I type those words “left me”, because to be honest, she will never truly leave me. I gave her my heart, well at least part of it, M has the rest and my daughters have everything else that helps complete my heart. Only 19 months to go.
2yearsofhealing 