Change is constant.

There is one thing in life that is always constant – change.

If you are unable to change, adapt or be flexible you will always do what you have done. Obvious.

The problem is what type of change do you want to make? Positive or Negative?

I’ve been working on positive change for the past  9 months or so. I have had temptation thrown in my face and have come out the other end unscathed and even wiser than before. God has given me challenges and obstacles and I am pleased to say that I have managed to work through them, with the help of family, friends and my own self-determination.

I had a conversation with one of the most wonderful friends I have ever had the privilege of having, EAC. She has been a guiding light during these tough months. She shared something that had been weighing on her mind and the mind of other very close, loving mutual friends and family. They all really want me to come back home. I have always known this and it has never been a secret that I would love to come home too. They expressed the fact that my daughters are growing up without their father. They compared this too their own backgrounds with their own fathers. A few of my close mates either did not grow up with their fathers around or had an estranged relationship with them. I would place myself in the estranged relationship. They were trying to tell me that my daughters need me NOW not 2 years or more down the track. Again this is obvious.

I too have always believed in children having two parents to raise them. A very traditional view of the family unit I know. Problem is, this has dramatically changed, not only in wider society but also in my own life. When some fo my friends were just having their first children I was leaving the mother of mine. I stayed in that relationship for love, then for my daughter, I couldn’t stay any longer. I know my situation isn’t unique at all. What I do know is that as far as fathers go I’m pretty good. Sure, I’ve made plenty of mistakes BUT I’ve also done some pretty awesome things too. My ex has done certain things that have ‘restricted’ my input into our daughters upbringing. I’ve never been to sure if that’s because she is still angry with me (which she has the right to be) or she just genuinely forgets about me wanting to be involved in their life’s.

The strange thing is. With my time over here my ex and I seem to be communicating better with each other. Sure we would text or ring when I was at home but I would generally wait for her to contact me about anything to do with our girls. I usually had my daughters on the weekend and I would see m eldest daughter everyday as she attended the school I taught at. I felt that I was still able to maintain a very solid and positive relationship with my daughters.

I said to EAC that I could understand where my friends were coming from talking about their absent fathers and how they felt it had affected them. What I also said was not having their fathers around did not turn them into bad people. In fact they are wonderful human beings. What I thought about later was that God gives us challenges, like losing your parents or parent at an early age, through death or separation. We are tested and measured to see if we are able to cope, manage with something so difficult. SOME people come out better off without them and others…well not so good. I am absolutely adamant that my choice to come here is not going to affect my daughters in a negative way. Of course I miss them and I know how much they miss me. The questions that were raised by my friends words were; Do they think I will waiver from my resolve? Do they not think my relationship with my daughters will survive my ‘physical’ absence in their lives?

I love my friends and the support they have given me has been amazing. What they believe makes absolute sense to them. True. What I have learnt is that in life what you believe in can be easily changed by one simple event (or something more than that) I could go on and on about this but I think you go the point. I have changed and will keep changing, in a positive way. Gods with me. My family are with me. And so are my amazing friends.

Strange Temptations

I am bemused by my own (can’t think of a better word) libido. Here I am in another country preparing for a new job. With a million things to get sorted. And still I think of A. It has been over four-months now, which actually doesn’t sound that long. I have had plenty to reflect on and process. I have met many other people, especially here, that have been through similar situations. It’s great to make these connections. NS, a new American friend, shared his story with me. I felt privileged as I always do when people feel comfortable enough to do that.

So, back to my idea of ‘strange temptations’. Had the opportunity to play touch with one of the local rugby clubs. Afterwards we had a lovely BBQ. Here comes the strange temptation. There was a pretty, skinny, English possibly South African lady. Which sounds ‘attractive’. But by her appearance I would have to put her in the category of a (for lack of a better word) skank. Now obviously I am basing this on visual recognition. I didn’t talk to her and I didn’t ask anyone about her. Besides the obvious physical attraction she had two things that I do not find attractive at all. She was a chain smoker and was drinking like a fish. So strange temptation came into play. I couldn’t take my eyes off her even though those two things ‘seriously’ disgust me. I thought about my past relationships. Most of them have been kind-hearted, generous and loving people. And these are all traits that I love.

I tried to understand why.

Still not really sure.

The old me would’ve done anything possible to get her attention or initiate a conversation. The old me has gone. The new me just kept on reminding myself about the journey I am on. About the promises I have made to myself. But the temptation was there. Right now it’s One point to me and Zero to temptation. Four months down. Twenty to go.