Posts Tagged ‘People’

This quote from a wonderful blog I have been following resonates with me.

A, often asked me what made me want to start a relationship with her. I was upfront and honest with her and said I wasn’t sure. I did say that I found her attractive AND that I could see that she had a beautiful heart.

So, now you understand this quote.

Maybe that’s my problem? Once I make a “heart” connection I just can’t let go. Partners, Friends, etc. Why is this? Don’t know the answer to that either…

I guess that’s why it saddens me about “People Forgetting”…ahhh well, I’m never going to stop being who I am or opening my heart to people…that’s just not me.

I think the biggest mistake that people make in my situation is to close their hearts off to everyone around them OR of course the most obvious run towards the nearest person that showed any interest…it’s a catch 22 really isn’t it.

So, just wanted to share this quote. Like I said, It resonates with me and my heart.

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It’s saddens me to write about this.

I’ve posted before about keeping connected with friends and family. This is something I have made sure to do. It’s something I’d forgotten to do in the past. I’ve made sure to reverse that trend now.

But, most people forget.

In my life I have supported/comforted, etc, etc many family, friends and acquaintances. Some people I have spent many a day and night bringing them up from their own pit of dispair. Maybe a little too dramatic, but you get the picture. It’s in my nature to want to help people. Always has been. I like being there for others. I like to think they would feel the same way. I have found that it isn’t always the case.

People Forget.

It goes back to me making strong connections. I open my heart and my mind to people. People I have only just met. I know this is strange, but I have always worked in reverse with my trust. I give people 100% of “me”…then I start taking back that trust when people ‘wrong me’. It’s like giving students and ‘A’ from the start of the term and they work to keep it..cliche, I know.

I am very skilled at making people feel good about themselves. I help amplify all the positive things that they have going for them. I offer them honest and open advice. I listen. I observe. I empathise. I’m good at it!

SOME people take advantage of this skill.

People forget.

Why have I decided to write about this?

I had some friends going through a similar situation to me last year. They have both now found new significant others. This makes me REALLY happy for them. But what…upsets me is the fact that they don’t seem to want to reconnect since I’ve been home. It just makes me sad. All three of us made strong connections through our shared experiences. Well I guess I thought we did. We all shared very intimate details about our situations, issues that we were going through, etc, etc. But now they are in relationships again I guess they don’t want to be reminded of those times. Fair enough. I can understand that. They know all about my journey too.

To be far, I have only seen one of the two and he did say he would contact me and make dinner plans…3 weeks ago now..LOL…but I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. The other mate I’m gonna contact asap!!

Like I said People Forget.

I wish they didn’t.

There is one thing in life that is always constant – change.

If you are unable to change, adapt or be flexible you will always do what you have done. Obvious.

The problem is what type of change do you want to make? Positive or Negative?

I’ve been working on positive change for the past  9 months or so. I have had temptation thrown in my face and have come out the other end unscathed and even wiser than before. God has given me challenges and obstacles and I am pleased to say that I have managed to work through them, with the help of family, friends and my own self-determination.

I had a conversation with one of the most wonderful friends I have ever had the privilege of having, EAC. She has been a guiding light during these tough months. She shared something that had been weighing on her mind and the mind of other very close, loving mutual friends and family. They all really want me to come back home. I have always known this and it has never been a secret that I would love to come home too. They expressed the fact that my daughters are growing up without their father. They compared this too their own backgrounds with their own fathers. A few of my close mates either did not grow up with their fathers around or had an estranged relationship with them. I would place myself in the estranged relationship. They were trying to tell me that my daughters need me NOW not 2 years or more down the track. Again this is obvious.

I too have always believed in children having two parents to raise them. A very traditional view of the family unit I know. Problem is, this has dramatically changed, not only in wider society but also in my own life. When some fo my friends were just having their first children I was leaving the mother of mine. I stayed in that relationship for love, then for my daughter, I couldn’t stay any longer. I know my situation isn’t unique at all. What I do know is that as far as fathers go I’m pretty good. Sure, I’ve made plenty of mistakes BUT I’ve also done some pretty awesome things too. My ex has done certain things that have ‘restricted’ my input into our daughters upbringing. I’ve never been to sure if that’s because she is still angry with me (which she has the right to be) or she just genuinely forgets about me wanting to be involved in their life’s.

The strange thing is. With my time over here my ex and I seem to be communicating better with each other. Sure we would text or ring when I was at home but I would generally wait for her to contact me about anything to do with our girls. I usually had my daughters on the weekend and I would see m eldest daughter everyday as she attended the school I taught at. I felt that I was still able to maintain a very solid and positive relationship with my daughters.

I said to EAC that I could understand where my friends were coming from talking about their absent fathers and how they felt it had affected them. What I also said was not having their fathers around did not turn them into bad people. In fact they are wonderful human beings. What I thought about later was that God gives us challenges, like losing your parents or parent at an early age, through death or separation. We are tested and measured to see if we are able to cope, manage with something so difficult. SOME people come out better off without them and others…well not so good. I am absolutely adamant that my choice to come here is not going to affect my daughters in a negative way. Of course I miss them and I know how much they miss me. The questions that were raised by my friends words were; Do they think I will waiver from my resolve? Do they not think my relationship with my daughters will survive my ‘physical’ absence in their lives?

I love my friends and the support they have given me has been amazing. What they believe makes absolute sense to them. True. What I have learnt is that in life what you believe in can be easily changed by one simple event (or something more than that) I could go on and on about this but I think you go the point. I have changed and will keep changing, in a positive way. Gods with me. My family are with me. And so are my amazing friends.

Things have been good. Not really, really good. But good. Hence the mis-blog or no-blog last week. Been so busy with my new job and living in a new country it’s been easy to get distracted.

I always think back to my mates words “Don’t let your blog become a chore”. So I haven’t. I’ve thought seriously about what I need to say. This blog has definitely been a huge help in healing my heart. But it’s not over yet. I still have another 18 months to go. Yip, that’s right, for those that have been following me from the beginning it’s now just over 6 months!

I still think about A. Wondering how she is and whether she still thinks about me too. I still think about all the things I have been through over this time too. I have learnt so much about myself and people around me. I am hoping that all this “new” knowledge is going to help me achieve my goals of emotional and financial stability. Praying too.

I can promise you this. I have been keeping to my righteous path and it has been paying dividends. Each time it feels like my faith is tested I give myself a friendly reminder. I’m not trying to say that I’m better than others and I’m definitely not judging others by their actions. I know I can’t change others around me. So I don’t try. As my good friend AS said “You do you and I’ll do me”. Simple statement (and funny) but so true.

I know that my actions and my words can easily influence people around me, without directing any of this towards them. It is in the subtlety of these two things that I can help others. Not much to add really.

I have always managed to have been really good at doing this in my life…but not always so good at keeping these relationships in a positive position. What I have started to do when meeting new people, which has happened often in the past few weeks is to ‘identify’ very quickly if I want to carry on any kind of relationship with someone. I no longer want to waste too much time giving people 3 changes (which seems to be the generic count now) to NOT annoy me or rub me up the wrong way. Trust me, Patience is a very strong virtue of mine.

I have met some wonderful people her in AD. It seems that these people will become life long friends. They have easily managed to get past the 3 strike system. AS a new friend I have met from America has been a revelation to my well being. We connected very quickly and we both have a similar story. Both of us are running away from our past relationships, trying to make things better and building ourselves into good people. It was a meeting of two minds and two souls..and please don’t get concerned about things AS is a guy! (this comment will make sense to those following my blog) We conversated for a few hours comparing our stories and our journey to AD. His journey has been going on for two more years than I though. And he is just NOW getting better. I have a feeling that my two year contract with myself and God was a good choice.

Building relationships is easy. Taking care of them is the difficult part. I have to learn to not be so stubborn. I have to learn that I am not always right. I have to understand that not everyone will think or feel the way I do…all the time. I have to let them know how much they mean to me, ALL THE TIME. I have to learn to compromise. I have to learn to share my time better. I have to let love grow. I have to let love be the basis to my relationship and let everything else flow. God’s gonna help with the rest I know this for sure.

Just gotta keep my focus on the goal…Nov 2013 is going to catch up soon I know. Gotta keep building those positive relationships. It’s what being part of the human race is all about!